It usually starts small. A text. A tone. A “quick question” that’s clearly not a question.
And suddenly, you’re in a conversation you didn’t agree to, with a version of your ex you were hoping not to meet again.
Whether you share kids, pets, or a last name you haven’t legally dropped yet… when your former partner lashes out, it can feel like time travel. One second, you’re doing fine. The next, you’re back in the spin cycle, wondering if you’re overreacting or under-reacting or somehow causing it.
Let’s be clear: You are not the chaos or cause, and you are not the cause. And you are definitely not the emotional clean-up crew.
This week, I’m unpacking what to do when they’re the one spiralling. Because just like we talked about last time (how to recover when you lash out), this is the flip side of that same mirror.
It’s about recognizing the moment without making it your homework.
It’s about pausing instead of performing.
It’s about not making their flare-up your fault line.
If that sounds like the kind of permission slip your nervous system needs right now… the full blog is for you.
